Searching For Answers

Dearest daughter,

Ever since January 2013 when I was struggling for answers to why my heart rhythm was so irregular and I kept landing in ER’s with A Fib, I have not really been the same.  I find myself wishing for the days before this medical condition when I could physically do nearly anything I wanted to do.

Today I sit in bed writing this blog as I process a potential diagnosis of PH or PAH-Pulmonary Arterial Hypertension.  My medical team is still trying to get all of the tests run and compare the results to confirm the diagnosis but so far, this is what my cardiologist thinks is going on.

You are in France right now studying at Lyon and traveling all over learning all about the culture and the people.  You seem like you are having a great time and I am so happy for you.  A part of me wishes you were nearby though.  I feel so alone in this diagnosis and some sites quote life expectancy of 3-5 years…maybe more depending upon the type of PH. But either way, that would barely get you through graduate school and I just can’t have that be my story.

I honestly don’t know the advice I would give you at this point for times like these.  I don’t even know what I am doing or what I should be doing.  I am just surviving the moments right now almost going through the motions trying to take it moment by moment and do the best I can to find an answer.

I miss you.  I wish I was there exploring with you.  I wish I could get a hug.

So, for now, I just say-Don’t take any moment for granted. Be grateful for good health.  Try not to sweat the small stuff because the big stuff will rear it’s ugly head soon enough.

I love you my daughter.  I am going to try to find the answers to getting my body healed.

Mom